“Who’s Right or Who’s Wrong” by Dorothy Lee Donahue
Q: Dear Dorothy, my name is Martha and I live in San Francisco with my husband and my mother in law. So much of my beloved husband’s and my precious mother in law’s interactions are way too often conversations of who is right and who is wrong.
Lots of times they turn to me to determine who is right and who is wrong. I don’t like to be in this position and don’t know what to do so when they go into these conversations, I choose to leave the room rather than become involved.
Is there a better solution for me?
A: Dear Martha, leaving the room is a good solution once you have shared with your loved ones that you do not want to be the judge of their interactions. Everyone I know has imbedded ideas of what is right and what is wrong.
I grew up in a household where there were consistent conversations of what was right and what was wrong. Therefore, I grew into adulthood believing that it is our job to judge one another. I have judged too many people in the past and now I do my best to be the observer and not the judge.
I am not always successful with this intention because I have come to understand that some behaviors are embedded in our brains and I was taught to believe that I could determine what is right and what is wrong. I am learning that there are only choices and some are ones that others need to make and that are perfect for them.
There are also lots of less than elegant choices and I, too, have made many of this kind. This week, I posted a quote by Allana Pratt who is a former guest on THE LIFE CHANGES SHOW. The quote says this: “At the end of the day, we’re all just mirrors showing each other where there’s opportunity for growth.”
I believe this is true and I love the fact that I have chosen people to share my life with who love me enough to gently remind me when I am making the less than elegant choice of judgment. This provides me with opportunities for growth.
I trust that you and I will always do our best to find the right way to express to our loved ones that we love them very much and simply do not wish to enter into their who is right and who is wrong conversations.
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