“Ask Dorothy” – I Don’t Understand Why My Mother is So Mean to Me. What Can I Do To Change This?
Q: Donna from Austin, Texas asks: I don’t understand why my mother is so mean and so unhappy. She says terrible things to me all of the time and accuses me of doing horrible acts that I have not done. It has been this way all of my life. I can’t take it anymore and don’t want to communicate with her again because I go into a deep depression after speaking with her. What can I do to change this?
A: Donna, you cannot change your mother or anyone else you have personal challenges with. The only person we can ever change is our self. As to why your mother behaves this way, you may never know the true reason. However, you can choose to know right now that her behavior is not because of you. After years of being a healer and having lived through a similar situation, I have learned that very few people really know one another.
There was a time when my mother said something awful to me and I was guided to ask her about her first childhood memory. What she shared with me was extremely traumatizing and I could easily see why she had shut her heart down at a very early age. And even though I now could see why she was the way she was, I couldn’t change her. So the next time she called and told me how bad I was, I got hysterical and cried myself to sleep.
However, when I awoke, I thanked Source for helping me put an end to this misery and as I meditated on the issue, I heard these words. Choose to love yourself too much to continue this drama. I thought about what this would look like and how it would feel to love me enough to not endure any more pain because of my mother not loving me the way I deserved to be loved. So I decided to love me and I called my mother and told her that I loved her very much and yet I loved me more and I was unwilling to ever have another conversation with her that was not respectful to me.
Then a miracle happened! She said I love you too and never again did she speak to me in a nasty way. Unfortunately, humans are taught to love everyone except for themselves. I ask you to consider loving you enough to accept that your mother is exactly who she is and you do not have to participate in any more conversations with her that are uncomfortable. I can’t promise you that your relationship with her will change, but your relationship with yourself certainly will change for the better if you choose to love you more.
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