A client of mine is in a relationship in which she is coming to learn, from working with me, that her boyfriend does not love himself, has no self esteem and therefore, not capable to love her like she wants to be loved. And oh, by the way, she can’t find someone to love her like she wants to be loved because she does not have the capacity to love herself in that same way either, and therefore is looking for love in all the wrong places, namely, outside herself.
Today is her “relationship’s” one year anniversary and she texted me and cried out for a “What would Filippo say” about her sad day in which her boyfriend does not want to celebrate in ways she wants to. I texted her this, which I thought was clever enough to share, since many of us find ourselves in similar situations.
“There is no food in the refrigerator.” You can’t blame the refrigerator. Even if you think the refrigerator has the capacity to hold a lot of food. And you can’t keep going back to the refrigerator thinking it should have more food than the last time you looked until someone actually puts food in there. In this case, to carry the analogy forward, you are a refrigerator too. You can only fill your own refrigerator. Both refrigerators are currently empty.
Today is and will be a special day if you go out and fill your own refrigerator and let it be the day you start filling up with food and love for your hungry soul and heart rather than the day you met another empty refrigerator a year ago. Like attacks like. You want something different in him? Then be different yourself and go food shopping! Let him see what a full refrigerator looks like and if he wants that, he will come begging to have you help him fill his own refrigerator. And if he doesn’t want that, you’ll see that refrigerator running right out of your life. In either case, you can’t loose. YOUR Happy Anniversary depends on YOU!”