“She Is Really So BAD”

ASK DOROTHY: “She Is Really So BAD” by Dorothy Lee Donahue

Q: Dear Dorothy, this is Marcus and I am so grateful for the help you have given me in our sessions.  I shared with you that I have fallen in love and I really thought that this would turn into a lifetime commitment.  She said she loved me and everything was going great. 

I felt my romantic future was totally secure and then out of the blue she wrote me a letter telling me that we were through.  I turned down my life’s dream job to be with this woman and I can’t believe that she would do this to me.  How could I have fallen in love with such a horrible person and what have I done to deserve this kind of treatment? 

She met with me and handed me a letter telling me she was breaking up with me.  What kind of a human being would do something like that instead of just talking to me?  She has ruined my life. 

Please help me find the words to tell her how bad and wrong she is.

A: My dear Marcus, please, please get a grip.  You are one of the smartest and amazing humans I have met this lifetime and I am shocked and dismayed that here you are showing up pretending to be a CERTIFIED VICTIM.  She is not a horrible person and your life is only ruined if you perceive it to be. 

In the past, I did something similar with my son.  He could NOT HEAR ME so I wrote him a ten page letter and hand delivered it and told him that after he had read it three times, we could talk. 

Why did I do it this way, you ask?  The answer is simple.  He would not listen and could not hear me when I tried to discuss the things that mattered the most to me in our relationship.  I intuit that this is what is going on with the two of you. 

Marcus, you are the Divine child of God and you are the power in your world and it is only you who can ruin your life.  You have chosen to see yourself as a victim when nothing could be further from the truth. 

YOU, Marcus, are the one who chose to give up your life long dream of your idea of the perfect job, to be with a woman you believed to be your romantic life time partner.  Knowing both of you, I know that you never discussed a future with her that included you giving up an opportunity to experience your idea of the perfect job. 

I know she would have encouraged you to take the job and see if it was what you thought it to be.  So, I encourage you to love yourself enough to examine your role in this drama and to learn from it so that you do not repeat it in the future.   

I feel you fell into the assumption world instead of discussing your truths with this woman and I trust that you will recognize your choices here and choose to make better ones in your future relationships. 

You are a brilliant and a good man and I feel you will begin to consciously co create a wonderful future for yourself once you examine your choices and decisions in this situation.

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