“Ask Dorothy” – My Partner Said That He Wanted Space, But I Want to Help Him. What Should I Do?
Q: Dorothy, Nicolette from Pennsylvania asks, “My partner said he wanted space from our relationship. I gave him two weeks of space, and then when I asked him if it was enough space, he told me that he thought we had broken up. I don’t understand what happened? I want to get back together with him because I love him, even though this is crazy talk. I think he has a listening problem on top of the other problems he has. I love him so much, I think I am the one that should be with him, because I can help him with his problems.”
A: Nicolette, it is quite possible that you are the one who needs to listen to your partner. Asking the right questions is as important and even more important than assuming that when he said he needed space, you didn’t understand that he was breaking up with you. You say you want to get back with him because you love him and are the one who can help him with his problems. What I know is this: If someone isn’t asking for help, they cannot and will not benefit from your advice, no matter how awesome and amazing it might be. I also know that those of us with great advice often need to listen to what we are saying to others, because often the advice we are giving is really for us. I have a question for you about this great love you have for a man who doesn’t want to be with you. Do you love him more than you love yourself? We are taught to love everyone and we are also taught that to love ourselves is being selfish. I say that unless and until we can truly love ourselves first and foremost, we will continue to attract others into our lives who need to be fixed. This is not good for them and it is not good for us. Let’s find a way for you to love yourself so much that you will only attract the kind of man who loves you for the wonderful partner you can be.
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